Finishing what I started part 2

Did some more work on my whale painting recently. I had been struggling with how I wanted the baby to look. When I get an idea for a painting, I have a tendency to come up with different ways I can do it. I am the kind of person who likes to think things through before I do them and as much as I hate to admit this, I know I can be indecisive at times because of that! They may all seem like they are the best choice but it comes to the point that I have to tell myself, “Just pick one, Mark, and go with it!” I can always do another painting using the other ideas at a later date. My problem is that I hate to make mistakes, but more often than not that is how I learn! I need to stop trying to make everything perfect!

At first I was going to have the baby jumping out of the water, but then I thought, how many times have you seen that in Humpback whale paintings? Not that that is a bad thing, for this piece I went with the baby just breaking the surface of the water. I felt it would look better in relationship to the mother below it. 

This is the rough sketch I did for the painting. As you can see, I had a couple of different ideas for the baby.

Down the road I will do a painting with a whale leaping, it is what Humpbacks love to do. It is pretty awesome to see, not that I have seen it in person yet. Of all my trips to Hawaii, the most I have experienced is a whale slapping its flipper on the surface about a mile off shore and the back of one just coming out of the water while on a snorkel cruise. Hopefully the next time I go I will see a whale breaching. My ultimate dream is to some day actually swim with whales. I guess I need to put that on my bucket list!

My dad made a wood carving of a Humpback whale back in the 90's and I have been using it for the different poses of the whales for this piece. It has been a big help to me to look at it from different angles, giving me ideas for more paintings. 

Once I settled on the pose of the baby, it was time to transfer the tracing to the painting. And guess what? I applied a graphite smug to the piece. This time I was able to get it off with out any problems. Have you ever tried so hard to be careful not to screw up and then take a step back and say, “How in the hell did I do that?!” I even had a couple of sheets of paper laid down just so I wouldn't have that problem again. This time instead of an eraser, I used my finger with some water and it came right off. My goal was not to do a lot of work on the baby, just get some basic color and shading down, and then once it dried I will come back and do more later. 

I did a little tweaking on the mother’s tail also. The shape of it did not look right to me, mister perfectionist again! I added a shadow on top of her also, to connect the two together. Otherwise the baby looks like it is farther behind, instead of right above the mother, which is how I want it to look. I am stoked about how everything is coming along with the painting so far. More to do though!

Finishing what I started!

Psalm 104:24-26 O Lord, how manifold are thy works! In wisdom hast thou made them all; the earth is full of thy riches. So is this great and wide sea, wherein are things creeping innumerable, both small and great beasts. There go the ships; there is that leviathan, whom thou hast made to play therein.

Last year when I completed my Humpback whale painting that I interred in the fair I really wanted to keep the momentum moving forward with more art. I did not want to repeat what I had done 7 years ago! This was not my first choice for another painting, I have several ideas for more sea life art but this one just kind of stuck in my head. I love the ocean and will always be working on something that has to do with it. The bird painting I just completed for the fair this year was started at about the same time last summer as this one. I put all my focus on it though for the fair this year and set this one off to the side. So it is time to finish it. A friend of mine after seeing a picture of my bird painting asked me if I had anything else done. I showed him a picture of this piece and said I need to finish it though. He said, “Why, its not done”? No, I still have more to do on it. This year my goal is to complete more than one painting and I know to do that I will have to work really hard, but it is doable.

My inspiration for this painting came from a You Tube video of a mother and calf I had found wile looking for some more reference material. The calf at on point leaped out of the ocean and I immediate thought, “that would make an interesting painting”.

At first I was going to do the same thing with this one that I did with my last whale painting by having an angle to the surface of the water. I like that type of effect and will use it in the future but decided to come back to a flat surface for this one. When I started on the blue for the water and sky I was having some trouble blending the colors together. I was using some slow-dry blending gel medium but it just didn't seem to be working for me. It was the first time I had used it and I thought I was doing something wrong. When I let it set for a day it looked a lot better.

The blank board. Funny how every painting starts this way. When I get an idea, I can see the finished piece in my mind. It is bring it to completion that I sometimes struggle with.

My first attempt for the sky and water. I don't know why I had a harder time blending the water, as to the gradation from top to bottom, on this piece, then with the last whale painting I did. It was the first time I had used a slow-dry blending gel medium. I need to be a little more patient with it next time! The sky is a mix of light blue permanent, brilliant blue, titanium white and just a little ultramarine Blue(green shade). The bird painting I completed this year I switched to using cerulean blue for the sky instead of brilliant blue because of a suggestion from a you tube video on painting skies and clouds. I like the cerulean blue a lot better because the light blue permanent and brilliant blue, I feel, have more of a green tint to them, which works great for the water. For the water I am using a lot more brilliant and ultramarine blue.

Next was the sky. I was happy with how it was looking so I decided to start on the whale that would be in the background at the bottom of the painting. When I started this piece I was undecided with the direction the whales would be going in the painting but I settled on my original plan of them moving from left to right. As I finished transferring the tracing to the board I noticed a pencil smug just below the whale. I tried to remove it but I made it worse. I was dreading the thought of having to redo the background, especially after all the trouble I had in the beginning. There was no getting around it so back at it I went. Again, I felt I was having the same problems blending the colors but when I let it set for a day it looked great. I went over the sky to because I noticed that some of the paint from re-doing the underwater splashed up into that area. I learned a good lesson though on how I transfer my drawings to the board. Sometimes I have noticed that I will get graphite from the pencil tracing on my hand and that is probably how the smug got their. When you are starting out on a blank canvas it is no problem but if you are laying it down on top of a painted area, well I am more careful now. There are other ways you can do it but it works the best for me. I would love to have a digital projector but they are a little out of my price range right now.

I was so happy with how the clouds were looking. I should have taped that area off when I re-did the water. I didn't think I was going to splash paint up their! Oh well.

Here I am laying out the arrangement for two of the whales that will be in the painting. I changed the look of the mothers tail, as you will see in the photos below. It was looking to much like the one on the mother of the last whale painting I did.

I know you can't really see the smug here, but If you look at the center of the picture, come down about half way, it is just to the left. I tried to use an eraser to get rid of it but that just made it worse. The blending gel medium I used also retards the drying time of the paint and that probably added to my problem.   

My second attempt for the sky and water. I could say a third time would be a charm but I don't even want to go there! I learned some new techniques, so that is a good thing!

last year wile working on my previous whale painting I came upon this art book by the artist Wyland at a local art supply store. There are some great techniques in his book. Some are just your basics but it helped me more when I started this painting, because of how fare I was along with the other one last year. It is fun when you come upon techniques that other artist have been or are using and can say, “Hay, I am doing that”! I am not trying to be cocky. I do not have a BA or Masters degree in art. For the most part I am a self taught artist. Some of it does come from natural abilities to! I am trying to build up my library with books of artist and their techniques. Wyland uses a technique for the outline of his whales in his paintings with white paint. I decided to try it but came back to using black paint. He works wet on wet and can do a painting in one setting which I admire! His method allows him to blend the background to the whales in the foreground but I like to let the background areas dry first and then come back in and paint my foreground objects. For me right now I like to use a method of building my layers of paint up a little at a time because of the results that I achieve when I do. I am a caucus person, not good at taking risks! I am not knocking his way of painting. I have learned some good techniques form his book and will use them in the future. We all have our way that works best for us but it does help to know what other artist are doing. Especially when you get stuck!

Back to adding the tracing of the whale that would be in the background. After I had the tracing down again and outlined it with white paint I started filling it in. I was amazed at how fast it progressed. The only thing I would do to it now is maybe some more highlights but that is it. And maybe try and fade the image some more to give it depth. Like it is farther back in the water.

I decided to do some work on the ocean surface to. I was nervous to start it at first but really like the the way it is coming along. I also added the whale in the foreground. This also moved along good and I am happy with the progress so far but still have a lot more to do on it. 

 I decided to use Wyland's method of outlining the whale with white paint. I was going to redo the clouds but I decided to get started on the whales instead.

Here I have added the surface of the water to the painting. My goal was to just get the basic idea down because I felt it would help me with the placement of the mother and calf, which it has and it also defines the sky from the water below. Boy was I nervous about doing it. As I have said before, I don't like making mistakes, (mister perfection), but it is part of my learning process! I either fix it or start all over again. The main thing is to keep at it!!!

Closeup of the whale above. I started out using ultramarine blue instead of black to see if it would blend the whale into the water better.

 The mother whale being add. The drawing of the baby at the surface was an idea I was thinking of using at the time.

In the photo above and blow I went back to using black paint to outline and add basic features to the mother. I use a thinned down black because I want the background to show through a little to help it blend in with the water. 

Once the basic outline and features are done, I start adding some color to define the shape of the whales more. Below I have added some white to the mother along with some simple reflections to both whales.

I then decided to focus all of my attention on this whale. The next several pictures show the progression of  it to where I stopped.

Closeup of one of the flippers. Working on blending and fading it in to the water.

This is where I stopped. I am vary happy with how it looks so fare! It took me about 15 min's to complete. I might tweak it a little more but not much!  

I then decided to do some work on the surface of the water, just above the mother's tail. Please bare with me everyone. I know I have a tendency to jump around on my paintings and I am Trying to break that habit! I added some details to the top and underside of the waters surface to make it look more realistic. I also want it to look like the mother has churned up the surface of the water as she dives back under.

 Here and the next two pictures below I am working on defined the shape, color, and my light source for the mother.

 The rest of the photos here is where I stopped last December. I changed the color on the mother's flipper somewhat, not sure if I am going to keep it that way. Some Humpback whales do not have all white on the top of their flippers.

The baby whale I am going to add to the painting has been frustrating me as to how it should look. My original idea for the painting has changed somewhat so I am still undecided on what I am going to do. This is where I am at with it so fare. More to come soon!

Marketing Myself

A couple of weekends ago I was in Coronado, CA, a city near where I live, having lunch with one of my niece's and her husband. He and I had gone to a BBQ restaurant, ‘Lil’ Piggy's”, the weekend before. If you live here or ever come to San Diego, CA GO! They have good food there! My favorite is the pulled pork sandwich with the coleslaw inside, thank you very much! Make sure you try the corn fritters. They come with this honey butter, oh baby! And the jalapeno poppers are good too! They take a pepper, roast it, stuff it with cheese and then wrap it with a slice of bacon. Mamacita! Also make sure you go to the Hotel Del Coronado and get some Moo Time ice cream. It is expensive but well worth it!

Sorry everyone, I get a little side tracked sometimes. I think I have ADD! Anyway, the weekend he and I went to lunch at ‘Lil’ Piggy's, I said I wanted to check out the art gallery next to the restaurant. We walked over and I peeked inside but didn't go in. I was thinking of talking to the gentleman that worked there about my art but got cold feet and we left. Afterwards I told myself I have to get past the fears and rejection and just do it next time. They are probably going to say no more than yes but I can't let that stop me from trying. When the three of us went back the next weekend to the same restaurant I kept looking over at the gallery and I told myself I have to go in there this time and talk to the person about my art no matter what happens. I didn't have any business cards with me. I was going to bring some but because I don't have my web page up and running yet, I felt a little apprehensive about handing them out without people being able to see my work. I don't have a lot of pieces right now and I wasn't sure if my blog was “professional” enough of a place for people to go and see what I can do. I was telling an artist friend of mine about the experience and she said, “If that is all you have, go with it”!

After we finished eating I made a beeline for the gallery; went in and looked around. They had some cool Dr. Seuss art along with some other artwork that I liked. My niece and her husband walked in a little after I did and she said, “Here he is”. Standing there looking at the art I thought maybe they didn't know where I had run off to, but since I drove, they were not going anywhere without me. As we were about to leave I got the courage to go up and asked the gentleman working there if they accept local artwork and do I have to be established in order to get into the gallery? The first thing he asked me was, “What kind of art do you do”? I hesitated at first because I was somewhat nervous, and thought if I told him, he might not accept my art. I said right now I am doing wildlife art. He was courteous and told me we don't accept any wildlife art but that I should try the gallery around the corner, they deal strictly in that type of art. I got his card, thanked him and off I went to the other gallery with my niece, her husband and their baby in tow. I don't think they thought an old man could move that fast but I was determined to do it!

I went in and checked out the artwork they had there and as I was looking at one of the pieces, a lady that worked in the gallery came up to me and started to talk about the painting and the artist. I was patient, polite and waited until she was done, but I was looking for an opportunity to talk to her about my art. When she finished I asked her the same question I asked at the other gallery. She was polite but said, “We only accept established artists”. I knew that was probably going to be the answer before I even went into either gallery but I had to ask anyway. I asked her for a business card and was going to tell her about my painting that was in the fair this year but she turned around and walked away before I could. I felt a little snubbed but I can't take it personally. Even if a thousand doors are closed in my face, if I don't give up, the one that does finally open will make it all worth it! I have to be patient and keep at it!

I learned the importance of having my business card with me at all times or a card that has at least one or more of my paintings on it along with my contact information. Every art show I have gone to the artists either have one or both! I decided to send them both a thank you card with a picture of my whale painting on it. It may end up in the trash can, but you never know what might happen unless you try!

When I thought about becoming a full time artist I hadn't really focused much on the marketing side of it. I just wanted to paint and hopefully sell my work. But I have come to realize that marketing is a big part of getting recognized and selling one’s art. It scares the hell out of me because I am not good at promoting myself. If I am not going to be good at it, then I need to find someone that can help me who is. Seek and ye shall find! Knock and it will be opened to you! There is a lot of good information out there and I need to start looking or asking for it! Men aren't good at asking for help or directions, right ladies?

Since last December I have been working on having some note cards printed of two of my paintings along with trying to get some prints made. Of the 30 plus years I have been involved in graphics, first as a Technical Illustrator, the last 14 have been in printing, where I presently work, at So Cal Graphics in San Diego, CA. I have come to realize that it has and will be a big help to me down the road.

Once I had some cards printed I thought, “OK, now what do I do”? How much do I sell them for? How many in a package? So I went onto the internet and looked at what other artists were doing trying to see if I could get an idea. In the process I came upon a couple of sites that deal with the marketing side of art. One is artbizblog.com and finearttips.com. Both sites were very helpful, not just with my note cards but with other ideas on how to promote and sell ones art. On Alyson Stanfield site, (artbizblog.com) I left a comment to thank her for helping me. Part of her response was, “Glad you found the info here helpful for your marketing efforts”. When I first read it I thought, “Marketing”? Then the light went on in my head and I realized, Duh Mark! I was just looking to sell something that had to do with my art! The idea of “marketing” never crossed my mind! I can be a little slow sometimes. It’s probably more that I have a tendency not to listen to what people are telling me. Ya Ya! I know what I am doing! This gets me into more trouble than I want to admit. Marketing can be as simple as handing out business cards to something as big as entering an art show. It is all going to get me to that point of becoming a full time artist and eventually selling my art.

This blog is a marketing tool. I was nervous about starting it because once I did I knew it meant that I was going to be “out there” trying to keep up with it, working full time, dealing with everyday necessities, setting aside time to paint and now having to deal with marketing! My head is going to explode, “No”! At the beginning of the year I told myself that I had to get focused and produce as much art as I can. One painting a year is not good enough! This whole experience with my current painting and what happened at the fair has been a real eye opener for me. I can't explain the feelings I have right now, maybe it is a sense of accomplishment! I am trying to stay humble and not get cocky, but I am excited about being back next year and having even more and better art to submit! My main focus right now is getting exposure though. But damnit, it is nice to win an award and be recognized! The shock has worn off and I have set some high goals for myself. I know I still have a long ways to go to becoming a full time artist. Marketing is not just about my art, it is also about who I am. My loves, dreams, desires, hopes, my very heart and soul! It is, “the marketing of Mark Sanders”! Now let’s see, where is the next art gallery in San Diego, CA that I need to walk into? All of them!

Eye on the storm

Your road to glory will be rocky, but fulfilling. 

I got this in a fortune cookie a week before I finished this painting. It kind of sums up what I was going through with it.

This painting has been an idea of mine for about 4 years now. Back in 2010 when I first primed some boards to get back to painting, this was one that I had contemplated doing first. But I started with another whale painting instead. After completing the whale painting, (see my blog Tail of Two Whales) I decided to do this one along with another whale painting at the same time. I was actually thinking of working on three paintings at once but felt that was too much for me to handle because of my day job. As both of the paintings progressed, I was doing more work on the whale painting and had set this one to the side. I felt that this one was what I should focus on for the Fair this year because they want you to submit something different from the previous year. So I came back to working on this one. I wanted to complete two paintings for the Fair but I didn't feel that it was attainable. Since I am not a multitasking person, it was a good thing I didn't. Little did I know how much this painting would test my abilities, patience, and self-confidence to finish it in time for submission to the Fair this year.

I got the idea for this painting from a picture I took in 2008 at a cousin’s, (on my Mother's side), who has a ranch on the Arizona/New Mexico border near Rodeo, New Mexico. Some of the family had gone there for Thanksgiving and a little reunion. Our Great-Grandfather and Great-Grandmother had actually settled there in the late 1800's. The main house today sits near the site of the original one he built. My Great-Grandfather was quite an adventurous man; at the age of 12 he left Tennessee where he was born about 1835 and went to Saint Louis, MO. After a stint in Saint Louis, he decided to go west and came through the Arizona Territory on his way to California and the gold rush of 1849. After various adventures there, he came back to Arizona and continued hauling freight using a Mule train between Yuma and Prescott, AZ. He then ended up in Phoenix, AZ where he met my Great-Grandmother. They left Phoenix, some say because he shot and killed his opponent for the sheriff's race. It was in self defense but that is one way to get rid of your opponent. He withdrew from the race, even though people did not want him to, and they moved to the San Simon Valley on the New Mexico side of the border. This was the time when the Apaches were still active in the area and there were many outlaws too. It would not surprise me if he met or knew Johnny Ringo, The Clanton's, Doc Holliday, Wyatt Earp, his brothers, Geronimo and many other celebrities of the time. There are some interesting stories about them both in the book Portal to Paradise by Alden Hayes. I remember as a kid my mother telling us a story about our Great Grandmother and how she hid Geronimo from the solders one time. She felt there was good in everyone. Not that I can prove the story but it makes for good telling. I had always wondered why they did move there. Whatever his reasons were I guess we all either need to get the hell out of Dodge for a while or for good! I have to admit though after going to the San Simon Valley I can understand somewhat. The majesty of the Chiricahua Mountains and the wide open spaces are inspiring. I loved getting up early in the morning and walking out away from the ranch compound to watch the sun come up. Ah the stillness! I should say the quietness! My job can be very noisy at times and I am becoming a person that craves places that are not. Maybe I am somewhat like my Great-Grandfather. Give me land, lots of land! Under starry sky’s above! Don't fence me in!

This is the picture I took and used for the background.

The picture of the bird that I used for my painting was taken by Bill Horn, a wildlife photographer from Oklahoma. I am vary thankful to him for allowing me to use it in my painting! He has some amazing pictures of birds on his site. If you click on his name above it will take their.

Ok, enough family history, back to the painting. As I said, the picture was taken out at the ranch. Some of us had gone out to explore an old rustler’s corral. When I saw the light coming through the clouds lighting up the Chiricahua Mountains I couldn't take the picture fast enough. I thought, “That would make a nice painting.” The eye of the artist, always looking for new things to paint! The digital camera I had was an old one and the picture didn't come out that great as you can see. As a result, I struggled with the foreground a lot as to how it should look. My first idea was to have two birds in the painting but I went with just one taken by a wildlife photographer by the name of Bill Horn from Oklahoma. It was a better choice because I wanted people to be able see the mountains as I had that day. As I started work on the sky, I decided to change it from the original picture to have some blue sky showing behind the clouds to add to the dramatics of the painting. Oooh! I am being artsy here. More sarcasm I think! I am pleased as to how the clouds and sky turned out but not happy with myself for how much time I spent on that area. I have a tendency to work and rework areas as you will see and I have to get to a point that I tell myself to stop!! 

In the beginning. Every painting has a starting point.

Once I had both the background and the bird traced it was time to figure out my composition and then transfer the tracings to the board.

Now that everything is down on the board it is time to slap some paint on.

This is how the painting looked when I got started. I wanted to have some blue sky peeking through the clouds but was not sure just how I wanted it to look.

I adjusted the color of the sky because it looked to green to me. I also started on the area behind the bird. I wanted it to look like it was raining off in the distance and have a darker look to it. Like the sky it looked  green also.

I went over the area again behind the bird and mountains. This was my third attempt and I was vary pleased with how it looked. I did come back and change it a little but not much. 

Once I had the sky behind the bird done I started work on the mountains. At first I used a dark color but I didn't feel like I wanted them to be that dark and I realized that if I was going to add detail to them I wouldn't see the lines when I transferred them to the painting.

I was working here and there on the clouds trying to get a since of how I wanted it to look. The area to the left of the bird at first, I felt was looking great but when I came back to it the next day it just didn't look right to me. Also I painted over the mountains with a lighter color so I would be able to see the lines when I transferred a more detailed tracing.

I worked and reworked the clouds a lot as to color and shape but it was at this point that I felt like it was starting to come together.

Here I was pretty much done with the clouds. I really had to tell myself to stop . I was going to come back later and do more work on the clouds in the upper right of the painting but in the end I decide not to. I actually painted the eye of the bird in at this point. Thought it would get me moving forward on other areas.

Next was the tree behind the bird. I cannot tell you how nervous I was to start this area. Once I did, I knew there was no going back and redoing the clouds. I was even thinking of not putting it in but I felt it added depth to the painting. I actually stood there looking at the painting for a long while thinking about that. I finally came to the point that I said, “just do it Mark” When I did I felt a shot of confidence come over me. It was at this point the painting really started to move forward. It was just that all the hard work I had put into the sky and clouds had paid off. Even more so as other areas started to get painted in.
Next were the mountains and this is another area that I am happy how it turned out. At this point I was determined to focus more on just that area and getting it done in a specific time frame. This helped me a lot on other areas of the painting by doing the same thing as I progressed! I did go back and change it a little but not much.

The tree is almost done here and I started adding some detail to the mountains. Also worked on re-establishing the outline of the bird. Doing the sky and clouds behind it pretty much wipe it out.

I then started work on the bird and the valley floor in the background. I was happy with the valley at first but I went back in and added a little detail to give it some more depth and I am glad I did. When I started the bird, things were going good at first but it came to a point that I didn't like the neck area. It was not looking right to me. So I went over it and the breast with white paint and started over. Looking back I didn't need to redo the breast area. I did another more detailed tracing of the neck and breast of the bird than I had in the beginning and started over. After doing some work on the bird I felt that I should finish everything behind it so I started on the row of trees in the middle of the painting. Again, it started out good and then I painted it over with white because I didn't like the way it was looking. I started to get mad at myself because time was getting short and I could not keep going back and re-doing areas. At one point I had to walk away from it after being frustrated and asking myself what am I doing wrong and what do I need to do to get it right! I actually had some good photos that my cousin took but I just kept struggling with how I thought it had to look! I finally had to tell myself, “Who is going to know if it looks exactly like the photo Mark, just paint it!”

Finally getting some work done on the bird and more work on the mountains.

I was struggling with the neck area of the bird here. The feathers just didn't seem to look right to me.

Here is where I painted over the neck and breast area of the bird and started work on the valley and trees .

The mountains were almost done here and I was starting to get the trees painted in just below the mountains. Also decided on what the bird would be setting on. 

My second attempt on the neck and breast area of the bird. Trying to get things perfect. 

At this point I did not like the way the trees were coming out behind the bird. 

So I painted it out and started over. I was starting to get mad at myself for doing this because I did not have the time to keep re-doing areas.

Once I had the trees back in, all I need to do was finish the bird and the the foreground. It may not seem like there is much left to do but time was running out for me. I think at this point, I had maybe a week to finish it. I love cutting it close.

Months came down to weeks and weeks came down to days. It was getting close to the deadline to submit the painting and I still had a lot to do. I felt like a hermit towards the end because when I got home from work I would paint sometimes till midnight, and then all day on the weekends. I did my online registration on the last possible day. To be honest, I was thinking of not doing it this year and waiting until next year. I went ahead and registered. I still had 17 days to finish the painting before I had to turn it in for judging. Part of me wanted to quit but part of me said to keep going. I stuck with it though. I told myself to stay focused, “Mark, you can do this.” I also told myself something my Dad would say to me, “What is your name boy! Then you can do it!” I still had my doubts, even up to the last day I worked on it. Last summer when I started this piece I did not want to be working on it the last day before I had to take the painting up to the fair for judging like I did with the whale painting the previous year. Sure enough I did. I took the day off from work the day before the deadline to submit it for judging just to finish it and it was a good thing I did. When I stopped painting about 9:30 that night I remember being so emotionally drained from painting all day long and depressed at the same time because of the last area I was working on. I just didn't feel like I had done it right. I felt as if I had rushed through it too quickly and it was going to ruin the whole painting. The next day I brought it into work and showed it to some people before I took it up to the Fair. As usual, when I talked about the areas I didn't like, everyone would say, “Why, what is wrong with it”. Like I have stated before, I am a perfectionist. About a month ago one Sunday I was talking to one of the pastor’s at church about my blog. He had commented about how great it was to a friend standing there next to us. I said, “I still had a lot of work to do on it”. And he looked at me somewhat surprised. I thought about his response and the next Sunday I went up to him and thanked him for what he said. I needed the encouragement. I told him how much of a perfectionist I can be at times and he said, “Not everything is going to be perfect”. I know! You think I would know by now!  

The finished piece framed and ready to go to the fair for judging. I had my doubts about getting it done in time. The bush's in the foreground is the one area that I felt I did not do a vary good job at. It was the last part I worked on before I stopped. The funny thing is that no one even thinks there is anything wrong with them. They focus more on the clouds and bird and that is what I wanted. Why was I even worry about it!

When I started writing this blog I thought that getting in to the San Diego Fair would be the end of the story, I did not believe I would win anything with this painting. Little did I know what was about to happen next. The day the Fair sent out the notice of accepted art for 2012, I was at work late and I checked my email, for the third time that day. I knew it would be later in the day because of last year but kept looking anyways. I was so thankful to just get in again, but I still didn't believe that it was good enough to win anything. When I had showed it to family and friends they were saying, “That is a great painting Mark! You are going to win!” I said, “It depends on what the judges think.” I remember my sister getting somewhat mad at me for not thinking it was good enough. I was so fixed on what I thought I had done wrong with it that I started to doubt my own abilities as a good artist.

I was not even planning on going to the awards ceremony this year but family and friends kept encouraging me to go. The day before the reception, I was checking my messages on my cell phone and I had one that at first I thought was from one of my nieces. It turned out to be a lady from the San Diego Fair and she said that I had won an award and she hoped I could be there to accept it. I remember thinking, “I don't believe this!” She didn't say what I had won and I thought it would probably just be an honorable mention. I still was undecided about going. But at the last moment, after receiving more encouragement from friends, I decided to go. I was not really dressed for it. I went straight from work and I was wearing shorts and a tee-shirt. Sitting there before it started I was nervous and I kept telling myself, “It is probably just an honorable mention, and it is not about what you win Mark. You got in again and that is the important thing here”. As the proceedings got started they had asked people to stand for the honorable mention awards so everyone could see them because they were going to hand them out later on downstairs. First, second and third place would receive their ribbons then. I was thinking of not standing up if that was what I won. When it came time for my class and the lady read off all the names for honorable mentions first, mine was not there. I thought, “OK, maybe Third place. Third and Second place came and went without my name being mentioned, I thought, “You have to be kidding me”. When she said, “First place goes to Mark Sanders”. Up went a picture of my painting on the big screen they had set up. I said,”Oh my God”! I think I startled the guy sitting next to me. I was in shock, I really didn't think this or believe it was going to happen. I didn't know what to do or say when I went up to get my award. One of the ladies started to give me a hug and I stood their like an idiot. After a few seconds I said thank you and went back and sat down. At one point I started to get emotional because I wish my parents could have been there to see it. I know how proud they would have been. Afterwards we all were able to go downstairs to see the exhibit. I remember standing there for awhile just looking at my painting and the first place ribbon. As I walked around to look at the other art I came upon some that was done by each judge. To be acknowledged by established artists is a great honor for me and a confidence builder! It is one thing to believe and have faith in yourself, but sometimes it is nice to know that others do too!

First place, acrylic - animals, 2012, San Diego Co fair.

Last Sunday I was talking to a lady at church about my experience. She had won first place with a quilt she had entered in the Fair this year. She commented that because the judges are established artists and that I had won first place, the painting must be good and she had not seen it yet. I thought about her comment and was talking to an artist friend of mine the other day about the judges. I told her that I don't want to get a big head about this experience but I do need to start taking myself more seriously as a good artist! I need to start having more faith in my abilities as one! She said, “Yes you do”! I cannot tell you how much this award means to me! It came at a time when I really needed it. Next year I may not win anything and that will be OK! I am not going to win every time.

Had I done the whale painting I would not have learned what I needed to at this point in time. Looking back on the whole experience, this was the best painting for me to do. It taught me some good lessons about myself, my abilities, staying focused, having more faith and being determined not to quit! I also realize that painting is work, which is why they call it “art work”. And I have to start looking at it that way. I am somewhat ashamed to admit how much I let things about this painting frustrate me at times and my lack of faith in myself. It is not how I want to paint! But it has made me even more determined again to keep at it. Yes, it may not be perfect according to my standards and I actually thought about “fixing” it when I got it back, but I told myself, “NO”! It is going to be a reminder to me in many ways! So it will stay the way it is! I am excited about winning First place this year but the bigger reward here is that I didn't quit even when I felt like it at times! On to the next painting!